Horizon Disappeared

6 years in the oilfield and I never travelled to a rig offshore via boat. Its a new experience though I think there are only a few on this planet who might have experienced it. That makes it special? But that is true for just about any whimsical idea which may seem like an outrageous adventure but someone out there must have done it. That feels special to the same out there. I guess we basically live in these exclusive sets where definitions are true till the time you don't try to make them collide and co exist with each other in the same confined space. 

But I digress. 

If I get a little poetic I would assume some basic words and go like this "as the cold wind brushes by...". I guess I will start with that because there is sometimes more to life than defining the feel of that invisible breeze that does co exist with me at all times. As far as I see...as the cold wind brushes by and the fingers try to keep up with the flurry of thoughts in this mind, I see a unity. Unity without distinction. An affair between sky and the ocean that seems to be having a reunion of vastness. But today I can not say distinctly to you that hey see that's horizon ...below runs the ocean and above runs the sky. They say when two people are drunk you just classify them as drunk people not a distinction of names or caste or creed. See I draw parallel but that's my thought. I think they are drunk. Unified. Now philosophically something that may seem plausible is mathematically just not possible. Two parallel lines only meet at infinity. Then how come infinity today seems within reach or even better, doesn't exist. Na I am not going to argue. I am just going to savor the moment where I declare infinity being defined incorrectly atleast when darkness does not envelope you. 

I can present another analogy on the same. We exist because of evolution or because of supernatural power? The place and country I am in, where they publish and distribute books denouncing every other religion blindly, I may not look too far into the subject. As it is it's called hypocrisy if you don't pay taxes yet talk about who is a good prime ministerial candidate. Self awareness? Self belief? Self contributing? Or simply selfie#. So if I don't believe in god, does it give me the sanctimonious right to believe in or spread evolution theory? I am not sure. They had the mathematical expression while I had the belief born out of experience. But all of us have signed this invisible disclosure pact where thou shall not spread the belief that is unheard of. Oh the breeze just picked up. The breeze reminds me of this travel in unknown waters, un welcomed territories. Why do I do it? I like to think of myself as a traveller. The one who travels for work with work and doing work. Of course other options are even better. But then again I read today "Adventures can neither be scripted nor be planned". Somewhere I just went along with the depth. If a single rule defines you in life, then it's worth living. There are no pre and post scenarios. Really? But yeah we din script we din plan all we knew was three friends and what happened was a historical event where Gandhi did not come out of war, Laden did not ride on boat number 47 and number of spokes on the wheel did not matter. Today I travel alone. The same rule applies. It is not scripted. For many while it's the tedious journey of work and life which they are tired of, I just call it a sense of freedom out in the waters where internet doesn't work.

Cheers.

The Herd Mentality...

Cluck...snipp....cluck...

The knuckles make the noise once again as I resume writing after a long time....

Herd Mentality...

A phrase I realized for the first time when I was at a party and the DJ played the shittiest music ever (universal opinion). To my surprise, the floor turned out to be a juxtaposition for any unfamiliar guy in Bombay Locals. Being pushed, Being run down....again and again. The music never ended and neither did the dance.

There I was....sitting in the corner with beer in my hand and the split personality took over. A personality whose questions are never ending and the answers are never satiating, the logic and the rebellion are strong enough to deny any sanity prevailing in the surrounding, the pretense of silence on the face yet far away from even being polite inside and the parallel existence with whom is called agony. Thank god, the beer does not let it last for too long.

But as I feared.....the interrogation with the self began....

What was the pull that acted as the propeller for dancing?? Was it the reluctance in raising the voice asking for a change or the idea of comfort in your own bubble and wait on the moment for an initiative from other ? I don't know. It could have been a Facebook tag and that's one thing I can surely think of. But to my understanding, the preference is never to be a standing sole but to follow the herd with a worn out soul. Just another race of species after all....huh?

The argument on the reality - the truth and then the debate on my expression is not the idea I concur with. Though, I probably have a better chance of saving the democracy from nemesis. Of course, my sarcasm and aggression will consume me sooner than I think. Anyways moving on...the plot thickens and the characters become more loose.

This particular situation is not the only weapon in the arsenal. As a matter of fact, the beauty about this concept is "it's ubiquitous". However, the irony is "the music still does not end".

From the reason of choosing a school for education to the degree of graduation, from the very first steps as a child to the weekend road trips and the run aways, from the list of the companies for the job interview to the selection of the opposite sex for marriage, from the prize of a BMW to the size of a swimming pool, from purchasing a dress for first day at the corporate to the accessorizing and the fashion wear of Saturday nights, from love for the objects to ignorance of the abject, from demands to desires, from dreams to success, from reality to fame, from money to failure, from the philosophies in this mind to the procedure thought to be a way of life...we are always the protege of this concept.

Every reason for an action and every decision made in this timetable of life.

(The word ''every'' of'course presents an exaggeration, but that's what makes the food for thought. At least, this is how the herd said it.)

This could well be the most convenient topic of conversation or rather, the most infuriating topic of argument with someone. And the challenge could be provided with a very simple question "So What?". "So what, if I want to buy a private jet for my daily travel just like Ambani or throw around some money some women and the best party on my private yacht?". "So what, if I want to become successful and definition of success is defined by thickness of my wallet?". "So what, if I want to chase all the gorgeous blondes?"." So what, if my aim in life is the reality TV and being famous?" and this never ending list will only end up consuming time and toilet paper. Or, with a little intellect (yeah at times, I can be judgmental), the argument could be about the semantics: what I am coining as "herd mentality" could very well be replaced with "standard of living"/ "minimal survival" / "satisfaction" or as the prophecy of a confused culture (a gelled hair boy and a mini skirt girl) says "shut the fuck up and get a life".

The answer is very simple: "Without the herd, there is no leader....there is no ruler....and there is no dictator. So do we need more people like you?.....................Yes, someone is counting on your relentless ignorance". While a few listen and learn to comprehend the meaning of life in accordance to the echos from Osho or any ashram, and some are lost in their own hangovers from the previous nights without a date and a time on it....there are none to ask, how we turned into the scentless apprentice.....

"if there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,

It's just a spring clean for the May queen.

Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run

There's still time to change the road you're on.

And it makes me wonder......" Led Zeppelin

Innocence --> Education --> Wisdom --> Corporate

The blind story of the people who can see...

Two dark faces of the same coin....

The lost freedom in the democracy....

The subdued yet silent rebel...

The four phrases. I could only imagine these four when I think about my recent observation. The feeling nothing different from finding the volcano with the "worthy" flare.

Growing up, in the surrounding environment with an endless Bucket List. Each day passion dying for a few and rising in the moment for next few. Once in a while rolling over the pages that yeah! I had thought about doing this too. The days or the years go by and the reality hardly ever becomes the culprit of influencing your mind. The flare never got extinguished, even though the world might present to you the statistics of failure. Your wisdom was unsupported but yours original. Your words spoke to your dreams. Your eyes reflected the look of an exaggerated fool yet the feet had found their direction and were ready to stomp with you like the army of the ranked captain in the war. The spotless mind yearning to grow further in search of power. The power of fulfilling that Bucket List.

(Woo..I just realized....my obsession with language and the embellishments never ends)

Hmmm....just like that you painted the beautiful scenery and relentlessly wanted to walk all over the canvas to live it. The next step was all you could take. Holding on to your renegade imagination, the walk was made through the days of the college, the education. Days went by and years passed as the remnants of the good times. Time was limited. Comes the day of making a choice. The choice that lays down the definition. The definition of Future. The mind flickers, the sight flinches, the fantasies liven up, the sweat pours down with the thought of not making it. The new found wisdom (or more accurately) the hard pumping adrenaline wins over. Like any new gadget which has been widely publicized to be better than what you are holding right now, like any new pill for the women out there, like the new play girl for the old Casanova....you embrace the options. The ego speaks and the prize is taken. The prize of winning one of the options laid in front you and thus, dreaming about making it big, yet unknowingly you enter the race of life.

Your first painted scenery is now nothing more than a memory, a childish imprint. And the proof was given that indeed it was the exaggerated fool who did not know the reality and had painted the bizarre dream. But you are not that anymore. You rejected the old innocence in self. Now that canvas hangs in the corner of an art gallery with no visitors. Not even yourself.

The new job the new life the soulless garb of the corporate was thrilling.

Five years down the line, it wasn't the same. You were the parasite from one host to another, yet the host did not stop sucking. Each day to the office like an underdog tamed to do so by the master. Each day at home, torn by the thought that in next few hours you will be up again for the monotonous. The complaint of being underpaid yet a silent walk to the office. Each day became just another day in life. The script had been written but the actors were tired. The race of life had long back begun but today, the players were tired. Sitting in the corner, dealing with the voice that popped up after years inside you, asking "what's next?". There was no answer, just a silent walk back home. Each day to the office, only answer was the ignorance and each day at home, freedom had lost its insurance. Only hope was the appreciation for the small things in life...a random video post by the friend on Facebook...the gossip of the politics inside the office or the new furniture at home...the visit by parents or the invitation to the marriages....the shots of alcohol at the bar or the long drive somewhere far....and crowning yourself mature, you gave in. But the will to satisfaction became the reason for agitation. The rebel might come out every now and then, but the fear was too strong a weapon to face.

Once again, the thoughts try to renaissance. The canvas had been broken. The art gallery had been wiped out. All that remained were the few pieces, far too many were missing to complete your first scenery of dreams.

Art but Not the Artist...

the reason why I walk with them is not because I am one of them....but because I want to know what makes them run in life....."

Having this notion, I had entered the world of blogging about a month back. Out of the blue one early morning, I had this instinct to think and jabber and think more. Apparently these were well synchronized activities with the on-going drinking spree. That night the drinks never ended and so did the thoughts. And the impact was to follow in the wakefulness....

The eyes that searched and searched beyond the scope of familiarity and judgments....the ears that heard and heard beyond the rumors of opposite sex or Washington shouting green....And, the heart that felt and felt the reason beyond mundane and quest to deliver.....became the epitome the focal point of the chapter that I began to write. It was still a point of subjective debate whether the approach had the meaning, had the power to appeal.....

Death..

Ahh there you are....

You know everytime I think about you, I feel limited at words as to how I should describe your persona and how you embody this mind and this soul. Imagine at one particular moment the turbulence that you create in the heart of someone who doesnot know what to expect of you yet he expects you...no idea you are beautiful or you are scaery but he knows one day you will meet him and lie down next to him to touch him and touch his soul.
It's irony how the brightness everyday sparkles in the eyes that gaze around, sweats on the feet that start walking and running around but the mind loses the track of extra ordinary and then there is darkness that crawls in every night and the mind starts to expand with vivid imaginations but the body crumbles like a new born baby sleeping next to a mother.
But here I am today with you for the first time.

When thoughts get wild..

Yeah, it becomes very amusing when the whimsical thoughts for a second, take the centre stage and change the complete outlook. 99% of the times, it makes one wonder over the ever elusive question "how would it be...if it would have been like that in my life right now?".
Fortunately, such thoughts are far away from negativity in life and the concept of Pragmatism as well. But nonetheless, few smiles occur all around maybe as a tease or as a part of influence and harbinger of eloquent and vivid imaginations. The characterization of such thoughts is prominent in terms of glamor and brand naming. Is it fundamentally wrong to dream of doing "well" or the luxury of thoughts should and will be without judgement associated with dollar green. A group of guys will not know when to stop because sooner or later, will start the mythological stories of rumors. As for a group girls being concerned, beneath their teehee's and weehee's (if thats an under-expression)...i would not want to comprehend. Yeah, maybe i am being sexist.

Switching Worlds...

Just like that switching channels of TV at home and constant remote catch practice with my mother, made me wonder how the worlds and their meanings change in less than a second. The influence of the prototype world created through this 40 in box is much more magnanimous than one can comprehend. From the repeated overwhelming dramas of saas and bahu on one channel to the latest hype of soccer world cup that brings the latest news of 40,000 prostitutes for the viewers. No not you watching on TV but those sitting in the stadium.